Transformation Sounds Sexy, but it’s a Demanding Mistress

In my nine years of working with clients in the personal growth and development space, one thing is clear: people are ready for change. The status quo is no longer working for many people. 

“Transformation” is a buzzword that gets tossed around a lot. For those who are already inclined towards change, it sounds like “change, but better.” The truth is, these two concepts are actually worlds apart. 

Change can be small. It can be making a shift in your daily routines, such as adding a 30 minute workout per day, or consuming less processed food. It can mean guarding more time for yourself instead of overcommitting, or putting yourself outside of your comfort zone more often. These actions are great, and have a high probability of improving your quality of life. Change is ideal for people who are looking to improve their lives, but leave the foundation as it is. 

Transformation, by contrast, is intense, irreversible in most cases, and it requires commitment and restructuring. There’s the initial decision, and then a daily recommitment to that decision when things get difficult, as they do. For example, if you feel like your kitchen is boring and you want to make it better, you can change it, or you can transform it. Painting the walls a new color, buying new hand towels and rugs and maybe some new art for the walls, you have changed your kitchen. For many people, that is enough. And in fact, for many people, any more than this would be destabilizing.

For another person, upgrading their kitchen looks like a full demolition/rebuild. This person may rip out the cabinetry, the sinks, the counters, and redo the entire interior from scratch. This is a commitment. It’s expensive, takes weeks to months, and once you start, it’s very difficult to backtrack. Once done, this person has now transformed their kitchen.

One is not better than the other, but depending on the person and their situation, one is more appropriate than the other. This matters because I see people get swept up in the idea of transformation, without understanding what it entails. Transformation often looks like much larger structural life changes. Some examples could be: completely changing your career path and moving to another part of the country/world, ending a very long relationship (or committing to one, if you’ve been avoidant of that in the past), or shifting your fundamental worldview in a way that affects every part of your life.

Here are some common traits I see amongst people who may be drawn to the idea of transformation, but are actually seeking change:

• Bored 

• Unsatisfied with work or a relationship 

• Generally satisfied with the overall trajectory of their life

• Low bandwidth/high demand life (could be raising small children, working 60 hours per week, etc)

• Feeling unsteady/not having adequate support

For people with these and similar traits, making a change, or a few changes, in their life will likely bear fruit and not add instability.

People who are ready for transformation typically display the following traits:

• Feeling very certain that the path they’re on is not right for them

• Are deeply uncomfortable with clearly draining or dysfunctional parts of their life (such as a job, an addiction, or a relationship), and are ready to push through other layers of discomfort to remedy those things

• Have at least one solid, trustworthy person that they can confide in and receive support and feedback from 

• Have enough cognitive bandwidth to do a decent amount of self-reflection without becoming overwhelmed

• Able to handle criticism and negative feedback from people who don’t want you to be different

If you know that a change is in order in your life, placing yourself on this map is helpful. If you read these lists and still feel unsure of which camp you fall into, that’s fine. Start with change and work your way up unless you are sure at the outset that you are “transformation ready.” It’s far easier to titrate up from change than it is to stop in the middle when you have upended your life in the quest of transformation. Transformation is, in many ways, a type of calling. If your life is calling you to transform, it will eventually become unmistakable.